Rise of the Skele-Bros
by Kyromatronix
Summary: Everything got interesting the day the Skeleton Brothers made their debut. Undyne suddenly had a new trainee. Alphys suddenly had a partner. Although one is too loud and the other too lazy, something seems to be missing...have they met before? One...two...or a thousand Resets ago? But in a world of humans, monsters, flowers, and annoying mutts, who can tell? DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1: A Midnight Visit

► "Waterfall"

The puppy opened his toothy jaw and yawned. There was destiny to be made. He lifted his hind leg and scratched, flinging white fur everywhere. Then, he yapped decisively and started running down the murky tunnels of Waterfall. Puddle of water splashed under his paws, and colored stones embedded in the blue stone twinkled happily. He zipped to and fro, looking for a certain...well...fish.

He found Undyne a couple halls later. Red hair, aqua scales, and an eyepatch over her left eye; That was his target. He followed behind her in the shadows, curious as to how this would play out.

She trudged up to her house, dead on her fins. It was late, and swirls of dim mist clung to her scales. She fumbled her fins with the keys to her house. Surprisingly, her own home was fishlike; the shingles were scales, the two front windows were eyes, large shutter-things on both sides were fins, the door was white like fangs; heck, it even had a tail that curled around the right side.

She jammed the key into the lock, twisted it, and slung the door open wide. She sauntered in, yawning widely and exposing her pointy fangs. Her red boots scuffed across the tile flooring as she made her way to the kitchen, and then to her room.

She collapsed on her bed, too tired to really do anything. She had been busy hunting down some trouble-making Snowdrakes over in Snowdin (man, those things were sassy), then checked with Greater Dog for a report (as usual, nothing today), and even had time to do some foraging for cool swords in the Waterfall dump (nothing there, either). Usually she would be watching anime right about now, but she was too tired to even think, much less walk over to the TV, turn it on, pick an episode, and sacrifice her heart and soul to the feels! Besides, she needed something fresh. It had been a while since she had found an anime in the dump.

She would go tomorrow, after checking in with Alphys, and taking another run in Snowdin, and maybe training a bit more with Lesser Dog. She changed into her pajamas, slithered under the maroon covers, chucked a spear at the light switch to turn it off, and zonked out.

She slept soundly…

...for an hour.

► "Mysterious Place"

 **WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!**

Undyne woke and practically hit the ceiling. Turquoise spears summoned on instinct, positioned to hit anything that moved. She scanned the room with her good yellow eye. Nobody had infiltrated her place. Spears still hanging in mid-air, she made her way to the kitchen; Nothing except her hot-fridge (yes, that was a thing) and the cool ginormous katana she and Alphys had made. She muttered under her breath and started forward.

 **WHAM WHAM WHAM!**

The spears fired at the door. Undyne flailed and ran into her piano, which added random musical notes to the grotesque symphony of sound.

Someone was knocking on the door! That's what that sound was! Fury bubbled up in Undyne. Who in the Hotlands would be visiting now?! It was MIDNIGHT! She released the spears, which combusted with soft 'piffs" and disappeared. Would it be Napstabloke? Nah, the ghost was way too timid to make that much noise. Or talk to her, for that matter. Shyreen? She had stopped visiting for piano lessons a long time ago. And why would she, of all monsters, show up in the middle of the night?

 **WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!**

► "Nyeh Heh Heh!"

Undyne snarled, summoned an extra spear just in case, and opened the door. A strange visitor stood eagerly outside. A tall monster with a beige, short-sleeved sweater, boots (kinda like hers, only more stocky), and a long red scarf was practically bouncing outside her door. He had a vibrant energy, like he had just drank five cups of coffee, and his hollow black eyes seemed to glisten with excitement.

He was made completely of bone.

"GREETINGS, UNDYNE!" he shouted, waving a gloved hand enthusiastically. She got the feeling that this guy was naturally loud. "I AM PAPYRUS! AND I AM HERE-"

Undyne forced herself to breathe. "Do. You realize. WHAT TIME IT IS?!"

He didn't get to answer, because Undyne slammed the door in his face.

* * *

► "Snowy"

The next morning, Undyne was getting dressed in her light armor (not the 100 pound kind that was super heavy), ready for another day of routine. She downed a cup of Sea Tea, put her red hair up in a tight pony, and marched to the door. Maybe she could get a couple of whacks out of the dummy that was in her yard before she left. She opened the door and heard her dummy...talking?

Now, her training dummy wasn't...normal. It was, technically, a ghost INHABITING a training dummy. Why it stayed around here with her pounding it half the time, she had no idea. But she didn't mind the ghost, because the dummy redeemed itself by fighting back. It was excellent practice for both of them. But it didn't usually TALK to her.

But today, someone else was with the dummy. It was that loud skeleton with the scarf! And he had somehow got Mad Dummy to talk to him.

"Yeah," the dummy said in a hollow voice. "One time, he accidentally went through a Woshua. You wouldn't BELIEVE the racket it made!"

"REALLY?" the skeleton asked, so completely focused on Dummy's story that he didn't even see Undyne.

"Yeah. 'Your soul is unclean! Wakka wakka wakka wakka!"

The skeleton started laughing, an odd sound; "NYEH HEH HEH HEH!"

The dummy seemed amused, smirking evilly.

Undyne regained her wits and shouted, "HEY!" Papyrus stopped laughing. Dummy looked at her questionably. "What are you doing here?"

"OH, HI UNDYNE!" Papyrus said eagerly, as if last night never happened. "I GOT BORED WAITING FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU CLOSED THE DOOR AND DIDN'T COME BACK, SO I STARTED PLAYING WITH THE DUMMY AND THEN IT STARTED YELLING AT ME." Every time Papyrus spoke, his jaw opened completely, revealing a hollow mouth full of teeth (somewhat disturbing, but kinda cool). "AND THEN WE STARTED TO TALK AND THEN YOU CAME!"

Undyne stared for a moment. "It is eight in the morning."

"YES, I THINK."

"Why are you here?"

"BECAUSE I WAS WAITING FOR YOU! OH, AND BY THE WAY, THAT DOG HAS BEEN WATCHING ME SINCE I GOT HERE. IS HE YOURS?"

The little white pomeranian watched from the shadows, flicking his pointy ears.

"No. So you stayed here all night waiting for me to open the door and talk to you?"

"YES. WHY?"

Okay. So either this guy was an idiot, or incredibly determined.

"Well, what in the world is so important that you talk to me? And how the heck did you manage to befriend Mad Dummy?"

"IT WAS EASY! I JUST ASKED ABOUT HOW HE WAS SUMMONING THOSE LITTLE DRONE THINGIES, AND THEN HE KEPT TALKING!"

"And?"

"AND AFTER THAT HE STARTED TALKING ABOUT HIS COUSIN-"

"Why do you want to TALK to me, you weirdo skeleton?!"

Papyrus didn't even register the insult. "OH, YEAH. I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD!"

Undyne blinked. "What?"

"THE GUARD. WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME TO REPEAT MYSELF?"

Undyne sized him down, then sized him down again. Papyrus had such a ridiculously expectant face on that it was hard not to laugh. Undyne herself was probably making a ridiculous face as well; she could feel her face scrunching up in concentration. Her fin-like ears flattened on the sides of her head. "Hmmm…"

"WHAT?"

This skeleton, put bluntly, was naive. Innocent. Soft. But despite that, he stayed outside all night to ask a question he might not get a yes to. He managed to avoid sudden death from her nasty training dummy, and also managed to befriend him. Even Undyne hadn't managed to do that. And...she sensed a huge amount of determination in him; in the way he talked and the way he walked.

She dismissed the magical spear in her hand and crossed her arms. "Look, Bonely. You can't just waltz in and ask to join. I'm willing to consider you, but I can't just let you in!"

Papyrus was still eager as a puppy. "SO HOW DO YOU GET IN?"

"Well, you go through training and present yourself to Asgore. He sees what you're made of, then decides if you're worthy."

The tall skeleton thought for a bit. "SO TRAINING, THEN ASGORE?"

"Yep."

"OKAY! SO WHO DOES- WAIT, YOU DO TRAINING RIGHT?"

Undyne froze. "Um."

"YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD! THAT MEANS YOU PROBABLY KNOW A LOT OF STUFF!"

"Well, yeah! How else would I have become leader?"

"WHAT ARE YOUR BULLETS LIKE?"

"Spears, duh!" She summoned a bunch of them, miniature versions of her six-foot aqua spears; the length of her forearm, silvery-white and sharpened to a point. They hovered around her like hornets, ready to sting.

"WOWIE! THOSE LOOK SHARP!"

"How else would they stab stuff?!"

Papyrus reached out and touched the tip of one like it was a sacred relic. Undyne suddenly got a nasty idea. "Oh, you like them?"

"YEAH! THEY ARE SO COOL!"

► "Run!"

"Well…" Undyne pointed every last spear at Papyrus' chest. "THEY LIKE YOU TOO!"

The spears shot mercilessly towards Papyrus' white, upside-down monster soul. He yelped, then started dodging as fast as he could (which was pretty darn fast, by the way). He swerved left, right, backwards, even jumping to avoid having his soul skewered. He managed to dodge most of the projectiles. The rest hit home with solid thuds.

Papyrus was a little surprised that Undyne had started attacking him, but he showed no signs of pain or panic. Instead, he grinned like a dork. "WOWIE! YOU ARE STRONG!"

She did a quick check. _Papyrus — ATK 8 DEF 2: He likes to say, "Nyeh heh heh!"_

He had more DEF and ATK than she did! How?!

 _Papyrus is sparing you._

She glared at him with an expression she usually reserved for humans. "What are you doing?! This isn't how you fight! TRAINING STARTS NOW!"

You can imagine what happened next.

► "Nyeh Heh Heh!"

Both monsters were sweaty messes when the mist cleared (mainly Undyne, because Papyrus didn't seem to have skin). Undyne gave the skeleton a good, hard look. Papyrus grinned back.

"Huff, huff...WOWIE! YOU REALLY ARE STRONG!"

The dog froze and stared. Would it happen?

Undyne gave him a hard look. "Determined one, aren't you, punk?" Papyrus smiled so hard his jawbone looked like it would crack. He looked expectant of something. "Fine. If you're THAT determined, I suppose I can teach you a thing or two. But no guarant-"

"NYEHEHEHEHEHEH! I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY YES! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD!" He started running in the opposite direction, scarf trailing behind him. "SANS! SANS SHE SAID YES!"

"Hey! Where are you-!" she shouted. But he was already gone. "Erm...okay then."

Dummy looked at her with the most ridiculous face sewn onto him. "Well, would'ja look at that? Looks like you got yourself a trainee."

Undyne crossed her arms and smirked. This outta be interesting. "Yep."

The dog opened his toothy jaw and yawned. There was destiny to be made. Then, he ran off.


	2. Chapter 2: Dog Days of Winter

► "Ruins"

"WHAT?! I'VE BEEN PET?!" Doggo completely flipped. "POT PAT PET PET POT PAT!" He raced in circles, half trying to catch his tail, half trying to find something that was moving, and had therefore pet him. Dogamy and Dogaressa fought of snorts, not daring to move. This is what the dogs of the Royal Guard did for fun; trick Doggo into thinking that he was being haunted by a ghost. It was hilarious to watch.

Doggo finally settled down, shivering and growling. He licked his black and white chops and slunked back behind his station. Before he could see them, the Dogi slowly backed up, then bounded out of the area, a flurry of black cloaks and white fur. They ran full-blast onto the frozen pond and slid to a stop on top of each other. They stopped a moment, panting, then started laughing and nuzzled noses.

"Pfft. Heheheh! That was great!" Dogaressa exclaimed.

Dogamy licked her nose and slowly stood up on the ice, wobbling a bit, then helped her up. She giggled, and tackled him back down, crushing him. He yapped and kicked her off playfully. Slipping and skittering, they made their way off the ice and onto the snowy bank.

He smoothed down her ears. "We should do this more often."

She blushed. "Hee hee."

"YOU!" a voice barked.

Doggo was RIGHT BEHIND THEM. Completely aware that they were moving, they sprinted down the path. Half using their noses, they bolted through the snow, over a bridge, past the snowball game, and straight to their stations. They sat there, giggling playfully at their escape.

Dogaressa settled down and climbed into her station. Dogamy stayed outside, still a bit riled up. He paced back and forth, kicking up drifts of snow. He yawned and scratched. Being part of the Royal Guard, you'd think that work would be more interesting. But no. Humans seldom came, and the troublemaking teens got boring after awhile. They never learned, and they simply sassed you until you attacked. Then they ran away.

Doggaressa popped up from her station. "Whatcha doing?"

"I dunno, puppy," he yapped. "Kinda bored."

She jumped out with her axe nicely polished. "Wanna go to Grillby's?"

"Sure." He shook some snow out of his white fur. "Can ya hand me my axe?"

"Nah. You get it, lazy."

"Aw…" He climbed into his wooden station and shuffled through the items on the floor. Spare cloak, some gold coins, a couple bones...aha! He grabbed the heavy weapon by its handle and sheathed it on his back. He also grabbed a couple coins in his paws to pay at Grillby's.

► "Snowy"

Dogaressa motioned for him to hurry up. Man, that hotdog was eager about everything. They started across the top of the bluffs, the snowy forest underneath them as they ran. Bits of snow fell lonesomely from the cavern ceiling (how it snowed here, he didn't know; probably some weird sciency thing about the roof of the cave and evaporation. Like he cared). A handful of Snowdrakes, Icecaps, and Jerrys watched them nervously as the dogs passed by. Maybe they were up to some trouble. But Dogamy didn't stop to check. He'd deal with it later.

They ran into Lesser Dog on the way there. He was occupied at his station closer to Snowdin, gazing at some snow, staring at it like it was going to transform into a giant steak at any moment. Seriously, Lesser Dog was a great canine, but he was creepy at times.

"Hey, whatcha doing?" Dogamy asked.

"I'm waiting for inspiration," he answered, not looking up. "Motivation, so I can make the perfect snowdog. But..."

"Hit a block?"

His pointy ears flopped. "Yeah."

Doggaressa piped up. "Wanna come to Grillby's with us? Maybe you'll get inspiration!"

Lesser dog perked up instantly. "Yeah!" He stood up, armor glossy from the snow.

And then there were three dogs heading to Grillby's.

► "Anticipation"

Before they hit Greater Dog's station, they heard a hacke-raising shriek. A Gyftrot stampeded out of seemingly nowhere, flinging various colorful bulbs from its needled antlers. Behind it, the group of suspicious monsters from before charged after, with more Christmas ornaments in hand.

Dogaressa growled. The teens froze. Lesser Dog and Dogamy joined in, flashing their fangs and snarling. The Icecaps froze, then ran, shrieking. The Snowdrakes followed, roaring in dismay and fear of being caught. The two Jerrys stopped. They looked around, confused as to why they were suddenly alone. Then they saw the angry horde of dogs. They dropped the ornaments, screamed like two year olds, and ran in opposite directions.

Dogaressa snorted. Dogamy snickered, and Lesser Dog laughed like a maniac. Yes, being a Guardsman DID have its redeeming moments.

► "Snowy"

It was only a short way from there to Snowdin. Greater Dog was napping at his station, so they passed by quietly without waking him up. Loud snores resounded from his doghouse, and the Snow Puffs shivered as they walked by.

To get to Snowdin, they had to pass over a huge ravine that split the cliffs in half at the top. The only way across was a narrow rock formation. It held their weight easily, and they shuffled across slowly. They had heard once of an Icecap that was going too fast and fell down into the ice below. Maybe it was just a bedtime story, but Dogamy would take no chances.

► "Snowdin Town"

Snowdin welcomed them with open arms, a scuff of houses within the snow, trees, and rock. Furry monsters of all shapes and sizes bustled around, going about their everyday lives. A lizard-like kid in a striped shirt froze and watched them as they passed by. Probably checking if Undyne, leader of the Guard, was with them, which she wasn't.

A large tree stood solemnly in the middle of town. During Christmas time, it was decorated, but it was still some time away. But there was also some symbolism to it. For the longest time, the Gryftots had to deal with rebellious teens decorating its tree-like horns with dorky items, much like a real Christmas tree. So, to make the beast feel better, they sometimes gave the creature simple gifts like gold or Bisicles. And every year during Christmas time, they put presents for less fortunate monsters under the tree in the main square. All because of the Gryftrots' plight.

Grillby's was the only real restaurant in Snowdin. It got a lot of business because of this, and a lot of regulars. It was run by Grillby, a monster made completely of fire. It had a simple menu, consisting mainly of burgers, hot dogs, and fries. But there was always something special on the menu that Grillby changed each week. Tacos, biscuits and gravy waffle fries; you get the idea. It was kind of like a get-together place for the Guard; they were pretty regular regulars. Sometimes Ms. Undyne would come in, but that wasn't every day.

It turns out, it was one of those days.

► "Sans."

"Hey, guys!" Undyne hollered as the three dogs entered Grillby's. Not many monsters were in Grillby's today; just Undyne, Drunky, and the fire guy himself. He seemed pretty relaxed at the moment, leaning on the counter and drying some glasses with a towel. Undyne was munching on some specialty cheese fries, and Drunky was just...moping there. Meh.

"Hey, Grillbz!" Dogamy said, referring to Grillby by his nickname. The fire monster adjusted his glasses. "Sorry to interrupt your break, but we've got a bunch of hungry guardsmen."

Lesser Dog barked happily.

Grillby nodded, his flames swirling around his head. "...Usuals?"

"Yep."

Grillby nodded again and went back into the kitchen to prepare the orders. The dogs took their places at their usual table, Dogamy and Dogaressa holding paws. Lesser Dog whipped out a deck of playing cards and challenged them at Go-Fish. They refused; they would just lose, anyway.

Undyne came over to join them, bringing her fries with her. "Sup, guys!"

"Hey, Undyne!" Dogaressa yapped.

"Will YOU play Go-Fish?"

"Nah." She sat down, resting her elbows on the table. "Anything new, guys?"

"No," Dogamy said sadly. "Just the usual Icecaps and Snowdrakes."

"WAIT." Lesser Dog said. "Some teenagers were messing with Gryftrot again! We scared them away."

"AGAIN?!" She thumped the table with a fist. "Thought I taught them a lesson last time! Damn troublemakers!"

"How are we supposed to deal with them?" Dogaressa asked.

Dogamy thought. "I dunno."

► "Home"

Just then, Grillby arrived with their burgers, somehow balancing three plates and a couple glasses of water (dangerously for him) on his arms. He set them down, gave lesser dog a pet, and left them be.

Lesser Dog barely contained his excitement at being pet. His tail thumped against his chair like a kickdrum, and his raised neck threatened to stretch up to the heavens. After pacifying Lesser Dog, the dogs dove into their burgers, pausing to talk back to Undyne between bites. Discussion topics included stuff about Asgore, Waterfall, and of course, Alphys.

"No," she murmured when they asked. "She hasn't mentioned anything. Maybe she ran into a problem?"

"Wait." Dogaressa put down her food and pulled out a letter from her cloak jacket. "Could you give this to her when you next see her?"

"Sure thing!" Undyne took it. "Alphys is really smart. I'm sure she'll sort out whatever's wrong, no problem!"

"Hope so," Lesser Dog said. "I really wanna see my sister again. They could at LEAST let us visit."

"Oh, wait! Almost forgot!" Undyne said suddenly. "I got a visitor a couple nights ago!"

"Wuddyah mheen?" Dogamy asked, his mouth full of burger.

Undyne started on the story of how she had been visited at midnight by a skeleton in a scarf, who had waited outside her door all night after she had slammed it in his face. And in the morning, when she finally allowed him to talk to her, he had asked her about-

"Joining the Royal Guard?" exclaimed Dogaressa.

"Yep."

"Wait, aren't skeletons made of BONES?" Lesser Dog asked, starting to get excited. "BONES BONES BONES?!"

"SIT!" Undyne shouted.

Lesser Dog sat.

Dogamy sighed. "Yes, but LIVING bones, and they can't be eaten, sadly."

"Aaawwww…"

"Well, that's ONE way to get your attention, Undyne," Dogaressa snickered. "I can't believe you didn't skewer him on the spot."

"Believe me, I almost did," Undyne said, flattening her fins on the side of her head and grinning with yellow fangs. "But I was feeling rather-" She put on a dorky expression "-MERCIFUL at the time."

Dogaressa snorted up water. The dogs laughed at the idea of fluffy, happy-go-lucky Undyne. Even Grillby paused a moment.

"Well then," Dogamy stated. "Do you think he's up for it?"

"Not sure. He's seems pretty tough, by what I saw, but he's a bit…" She searched for the word. "Nice."

"Nice?" Lesser Dog was confused. "Is that even an issue?"

"When he spares you during the first turn he gets, yes."

"You FOUGHT him?"

"Yep."

"How'd it go?"

► "Sans."

"Eh...alright. He's pretty strong. With proper training, he could…" She trailed off, as if rethinking the idea. Silence, save for the slight crackling of Grillby's flames. Undyne finished the last stubs of her fries, stood up, and stretched, her chainmail glinting. "Well, I'd better go. I'm supposed to start training that softie skeleton today, and I wanna be there before he is."

"Bye, Undyne!" Dogaressa hollered as the fish left. Dogamy waved and licked his soulmate's cheek. Lesser Dog yapped like a maniac.

Dogamy leaned on the table and huffed. "New recruit, huh?"

"Yeah," Lesser Dog murmured, absentmindedly flipping his cards. "Wonder what he's like?"


	3. Chapter 3: Do I Know You?

► "Once Upon A Time"

Sometimes, human storybooks ended up in the Underground.

Not that they were important. They were trifles, really. Products of imagination with no real usefulness. Men had long forgotten about monsters, and those who had seen them were long dead. These stories usually taught about the lost illusion of magic, about otherworldly gifts and artifacts that were dropped by the beasts, about the monsters roaming the earth, dominant and powerful.

Well, the monsters were not just fairy tales. Oh, no. They were on the surface once, but not as celestial beings, but as strange magic creatures with the feelings of men. And yes, they did have magic once, and still had it, but it wasn't a lost illusion. In fact, it was still used in their everyday lives; from battle, to cooking, to just playing games. But how could the humans had known that? To them, the only remains of monsters were the whispered fables and legends, and the solemn Mount Ebbot made famous by these so-called "jests". And, sadly, the monsters never did have cool artifacts. They were just simple feats of mana mixed with machinery. The only dropped treasures that the monsters knew of were the human trinkets and knick-knacks that fell down from the Surface. They flowed down the currents and under the mountain, and ended up in Waterfall to be collected, reverse-engineered, and used. Some of these things, like computers, bicycles (not to be confused with the frozen kind), and weapon prototypes, were very useful. Other things were trifles, like clothes, rusted bits of unidentifiable thingies, old boxes, and human storybooks.

► "Premonition"

Right now, Alphys wasn't treasure, or trifle. She was trash. She deserved to be picked up by the current and washed away into the abyss below her, never to be discovered again.

She rubbed her eyes with a yellow paw. God, what was she doing? Everyone's hopes and dreams...all the people counting on her—no, DEPENDING on her to make it work...she had let them down. She couldn't tell the truth, couldn't make it right...just lie, and lie, and lie. Never show, never tell…

She watched an abandoned wrapper float around the island of wood she was on, and sighed as it fell into the darkness below. Maybe that trash had a point. Nobody would want an old wrapper, so it didn't try and stop its fate. It simply fell. Maybe that single, old, sopping candy wrapper was the solution to all her problems.

She closed her eyes. It would be so easy…

"Where do you think it goes?"

► "Ruins"

Alphys almost jumped out of her scales. She spun and saw a tall, fish-like monster towering over her. She had an eyepatch over her left eye (which made her look totally wicked, but that was irrelevant), green scales, and flowing red hair in a high ponytail. She was wet from wading in the murky water, and her yellow eye gleamed in the dim light.

Alphys felt her face burn up. How long had she been watching how long had she been there oh gosh. "W-what?" She stuttered stupidly.

"I asked you where you think it goes. What're you doing out here all alone?"

"Uh-" She scrambled for any answer other than the real one. "-j-just thinking. Erm...I suppose..." She put her glasses back on and looked down in the deep darkness below. "I mean, there's only so much Underground to flow to, r-right? There's probably just a, a larger dump full of t-trash down there, j-just like this one."

"Never thought of it like that. I thought it all just vanished."

Alphys put her glasses back on and laughed nervously. "That's n-not possible unless it flowed to H-Hotland. Which, uh, I guess is a possibility, actually."

"If there WAS a dump down there, maybe other monsters go down and get stuff from-" The fish paused. "WAIT IF THEY'RE DOWN THERE THEY GET ALL THE COOL STUFF! THAT's why I couldn't find any swords lately! They probably just flowed down there and were taken!"

"Uh, I-i don't think that's it, but t-there's probably is a l-lot of stuff down there."

"We should go down there and get stuff sometime!"

"'We'?"

"Heck yeah."

"Er, I'm n-not the adventurous type." She got an idea. "But if, uh, if you can't find any c-cool swords, I could help you make some. Like a katana!"

Her fin ears perked. "Really? Wait, "Katana"? What the heck is that?"

"It's, uh, a human weapon. I learned about it from A-anime."

"Who's Anime?"

"No, no, Anime is-" Another idea popped into her head, one that would make Undyne think she was smart. "I-i-it's, uh, like human h-history, kinda."

Success. Undyne looked impressed. "Oooooooh. Pfft, that was dumb."

If there was one thing Alphys had learned from her failure, it was this; sometimes a lie was sweeter that truth.

"Hey, what's your name, glasses?"

"Alphys," she stuttered. "You?"

"Oh, my name is Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!"

► "Tem Shop"

Alphys started. "What?"

"Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!"

"Erm...okay, I-I'm, uh, n-not sure w-where to-"

And then she started to flipping sing.

"I believed I'd become a changed me if I tied a ribbon and tried to smile. A bit of courage becomes…"

* * *

"...naru anata ni aumade wasureteta, onnanoko wa minna muteki ni nareru tokubetsu-"

Alphys groaned and slapped her Mew Mew Kissy Cutie alarm clock with her claws. It shut up.

► "Alphys"

She groped for her glasses, sat up, and yawned. She wasn't at the dump, but in her room. It was thin and long, with books, dirty labcoats, MMKC trinkets, and assorted junk littering the area. Her workshop, with tools and blueprints sprawled over it, was coated in a layer of dust, and a strange machine spurted pink ice cream made from seagrass next to it. A box of unopened letters sat next to her clock, which read 8:30.

Alphys sighed. She had vowed to clean up her room later. But she had taken that vow a week ago.

She pushed off the covers and stood up, stretching and unknotting her tail. Time for another day. She changed into a labcoat, and pushed a button on the side of her bed. Against all laws of physics, it transformed into an easy to draw cube.

Alphy's day usually had three parts to it. The first one was to check incoming video feed from the monitor in her lab. The scientist before her had installed cameras all over the Underground, although most of them were in the small town of Snowdin, far to the west, where humans were most likely to show up. The computer recorded, analysed, and archived all data coming in through the cameras. Since Alphys didn't get out much, she enjoyed watching what was going on through the giant screen. If King Asgore (or, as Alphys called him, "Mr. Dreamy") or any member of the Guard needed a playback of any given moment, Alphys could send it to them.

The second part of her day was working. But she didn't really have any big projects at the time; only a robotic upgrade for a friend of hers, Mettaton. But he only came in every so often, when he got away from all his fans. Other that, it was basicly doo-dads and tiny projects that weren't that important.

And the third part...Alphys had some patients with…"special needs" down under the lab. They ate a lot of dog food, needed lots of attention, and basically made a mess wherever they went. They needed to be taken care of. (aka bringing them food and watching anime with them every so often.) That part usually took up most of her time.

She pressed a couple of the many buttons on the monitor. It lit up with a mechanical hum. Images of snowy forests, rocky cliffs, peaceful rivers, and miniscule houses flashed on the screen, each one showing a different place at the same time. Pretty as it was, it was nothing new. Just different monsters going to different places with different intentions. Plain and simple.

She sat there, leaning on her elbows, for the longest time, watching things go to and fro, without any real desire to move. Monsters were weird. Tell them one thing, they'll think another. Tell the truth, they'll see you differently. Tell them a lie, they'll know you as someone else.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the dog until it licked her foot.

► "Dating Tense!"

"EEP!" She squealed, stumbling backwards and readying electric bullets. She backed into her desk, then relaxed when she saw what it was. "H-hey. How'd you get in here little guy?"

The fluffy white canine yapped at her playfully. It had pointy ears and a shiny black nose, and its floofy tail whapped the tile. At its feet, there was a blue hoodie with fur lining on the hood. Alphys hadn't seen that before, and the dog looked too small to have dragged it in. And it almost looked like...the dog was offering it to her…?

"I-is that for me?"

More yaps. Guess that was a yes. She cautiously reached out a claw to grab it.

She got tackled by a skeleton.

It bowled both of them over, smacking Alphys into the desk and sending papers in all directions. Alphys shrieked as the world spun, then stopped, with them both on the floor and covered in documents.

"Ow," a low voice muttered.

A yap was heard, then the pitter patter of paws against tile, and then nothing.

The pile of scales and bones separated. Alphys was practically in shock. Her glasses had been knocked off her face, and everything was a blur of color. She groped around on the floor.

"Whelp. Sorry, ma'am," the voice continued. "Probably shouldn't've- Oh, ya looking for these?"

► "Small Shock"

Her glasses were pressed into her hands. She pushed them onto her muzzle. Thank god they weren't broken. She blinked a couple times while her vision adjusted, and focused on the skeleton. He was small, a little shorter than her, and had dark sockets that shone with tiny white pupils. His teeth were clenched in worry, or maybe anticipation? He wore a white v-neck t-shirt, black pants with white stripes down the sides, and simple grey sneakers.

He looked strangely familiar…

The skeleton looked at the mess. "Jeez, wow. Sorry, lemmie help…"

He scooped up a bunch of the papers. She joined in. "No, it's fine, it's fine, t-they weren't THAT important." She looked him over again. "S-sorry but, uh...do I know you?"

He stopped and stared. "Mmmmm...maybe. What's your name?"

"A-alphys. I'm Asgore's Royal Scientist."

He jerked. "Oh, wow. Sorry again." He held out his left hand, which was covered by a grip glove. "I'm Sans. Comic Sans."

► "Snowy"

She shook it. "Oh, like the font?"

"Yeah, something of that TYPE." Wow. Déjà vu. And hilarious. He snatched up a couple of the documents, then stuck out his free hand again. Alphys shook it, bone meeting scales. Sans grabbed the last of the papers and straightened them, then stood, pulling her up with her. The room started tilting, and Alphys wobbled.

"Woah, you okay?" Sans asked. She noticed that even when he talked, his jaw was closed tightly. Must be a skeleton thing.

"Y-yeah, j-j-just dizzy." She grabbed the desk for support.

"You sure? I wouldn't ig-WANNA you to fall again."

Alphys snorted. "Oh wow. Y-yeah. I, uh, might've hit my head a little, I-i'll be fine."

"Alright." Sans glanced at the floor. "Hey!" He walked over and picked up the abandoned hoodie. He examined it thoughtfully.

"I-is that yours?" Alphys asked, although she already knew the answer.

"Yup. Got snatched by a dog. Don't ask how." He slipped it on, despite the fact that they were in Hotland. "That mutt's gonna have a BAD TIME the next time I see him."

The room finally stopped spinning. Alphys let go of the desk. She had been grasping it so hard that there were brand new claw marks in it. She sighed and and brushed off her now dirtier labcoat. She couldn't shake the feeling of nostalgia as she joined Sans, who was staring at the monitor.

"What's this?" he asked. "Cameras?"

"Y-yeah." She suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. "A m-monitoring system for Mr. Dre- I mean King Asgore and the R-royal Guard."

"Huh. So that's why I felt like I was being watched," he joked.

"Eheheheh...yeah…" Awkward. Silence. Alphys shuffled from paw to paw. "Wait. How'd you-"

"Get in here? Shortcut."

"'Shortcut'?"

"Shortcut."

"What's a 'shortcut'?"

"Exactly what you think it is."

"Saaaans."

"Okay, fine. It was the psychokinesial transfer of matter and energy from point A to point B using space-effective relocation of mana without traversing the physical space between them. Happy?"

"Say what."

"ALPHYS, DARLING!"

► "It's Showtime!"

Alphys and Sans jumped. The monitor had switched to a call from Mettaton. "H-hey M-mettaton."

Sans looked confused. "'Mettaton'? Like,-"

"ALPHYS, DARLING," Mettaton's voice buzzed. "THE DIRECTORS HAVE GIVEN THE ME THE OKAY. IF IT'S ALRIGHT I'LL COME OVER SO YOU CAN CONTINUE- WHO'S THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO?"

"Oh, that's Sa-" Alphys looked to see that the skeleton was gone. The heck? "Sans? Erm...okay then. Yes, M-mettaton, I'm open. C-come whenever you'd like."

"THANK YOU, DARLING. SEE YOU IN TEN!"

► "Mysterious Place"

Click. The monitor switched back to Snowdin.

Alphys sighed and shuffled over to her desk. The pile of documents sat lonesomely over random diagrams and printed-off Mew Mew fanart. She sat down and fired up her computer. Fourteen new emails went into the trash. Blarg. Maybe she should just delete the account? It would save her thirty seconds of her day…

She face-planted into her keyboard.

Her thoughts drifted to Sans. Sans was odd. She most definitely knew him from somewhere. He seemed science-efficient (not to mention "space efficient"), and had taken comfortably to her company, as she did to him. She found herself strangely wanting to talk with him more, and resented his sudden, erm, "shortcut-ing" away...was it teleportation? How did he do that? And how did the dog get in? Could the dog teleport, too?

She slowly lifted her muzzle. She couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't. Either someone would find out, or the guilt would cause HER to fall down, too. She had accepted that she was a screwup a long time ago, and yet...everyone thought she was this great, cool person. What a magical spell a lie could weave. Which was ironic, since monsters were technically made of magic...and Alphys was composed of magic AND lies...

Cue second face-to-keyboard slam. Ugh. It didn't offer any words of encouragement.

When she got back up, she saw a new note on her desk. That...wasn't there before. Besides, it was ON TOP of the documents, which had just been scattered everywhere and re-shuffled.

Alphys picked it up. It was a piece of yellow legal pad, folded sloppily. Frowning, she unfolded it.

A phone number?

It smelled like possibilities.


	4. Chapter 4: Just Vent a Little

► "Dummy!"

The dummy had anger issues.

"Futile. Futile! FUTILE!" he shrieked, flinging cotton everywhere. The battle was only six turns in, and it already looked like it was snowing. Papyrus didn't seem to mind, flinging bones like the bullets they were and swerving back and forth to avoid Dummy's drone attacks. His health was nearly at maximum. Undyne watched from a distance, leaning against the cave wall and hollering to "SHOW HIM NO MERCY!" or to "STOP MISSING!". Who she was addressing was anyone's guess. But both took her advice.

Dummy took a bone to the face, which didn't hurt, but irked him even more. "GAH! POINTLESS! You think THAT would hurt me?!"

"NO, BUT UNDYNE SAID IT'S GOOD PRACTICE!"

She had. And it was. Undyne had pitted Papyrus against the Dummy not only for training, but to gauge his physical and magical conditions. Being a slim, snappable monster without any real shell or protection, she had thought that, even if his DEFiance was good, an attack would snap a tibia or something. Nope. He absorbed it without complaint. Drones and cotton balls, for the most part, weren't that effective against him. She had also expected his attacks to be a bit less...what's the word...good? But they were strong, accurate, and plentiful. Not to mention a bit flashy. (if bones COULD be flashy…)

The mannequin growled and sent tiny puppets flying in Papyrus' direction. He dodged them with ease, but lost his footing on the cotton-covered floor and fell. He straightened himself, looking determined. He drew his arm back and almost sent more bullets, but paused. He stopped casting, changed attacks, and sent blue-tinted bones in Dummy's direction.

Mad Dummy laughed as they passed harmlessly through him...or didn't. The bones stayed stuck there like arrows. He looked at them, then panicked, turning this way and that, trying to unlodge them, to no avail. He shrieked madly and made a kicking motion with his stand.

Undyne's eyebrows popped up in surprise, then she burst into laughter. Papyrus looked worried. "HEY!" he shouted. "STOP MOVING!"

Miraculously, Dummy obeyed. He froze, and the blue attacks passed through him like they were nothing. He looked stunned, then furious. "What the heck was THAT, bonehead?!"

"BLUE ATTACKS! DON'T MOVE AND THEY WON'T HURT YOU! AND I APPRECIATE THE COMPLIMENT, ALTHOUGH OBVIOUS." Papyrus sent more, and dummy struck some ridiculous poses, freezing whenever one passed through his stuffed insides.

Undyne guffawed her face off as dummy mimicked a Mettaton. This was the best thing since she pet Lesser Dog and he got his head stuck in a tree. "Dummy! They won't hurt you!"

"I KNOW THAT YOU BLUE-FACED JERRY!" Dummy screamed. "IT FEELS AWFUL!"

Undyne's fins flopped. Then, she bared her pale yellow fangs. "What did you say, dust-bunny?"

"I SAID YOU'RE A BLUE-FACED JERRY YOU RETARDED-"

It suddenly smelled like sushi. Undyne roared and sent way more bullets in Dummy's direction than necessary. Futile. Undyne joined the fight, yelling completely inappropriate words and launching enough spears to shish kebab an Aaron. Stuffing flew, bones clacked, and spears gleamed.

After sixteen attacks, Dummy was clearly getting worn out. His movements were sluggish, and his tiny little dummy-bots lost trajectory and plummeted to the ground before they hit either of them. Undyne didn't show sign of tiring. She attacked all the harder, screaming louder than a mere Migosp could ever dream to accomplish, but Papyrus seemed a bit reluctant to keep going.

"What was THAT?!" Undyne yelled, as Papyrus' blue attack shattered before hitting Dummy. "That didn't even get to him!"

"I KNOW! I SAW!" he said, summoning more whites and trying again. Every single one missed, deliberately changing course or backtracking like some sort of possessed boomerang (bone-arang?).

"WHAT THE ACTUAL- do you even WANT to fight this guy?!"

"YES!" Papyrus was getting frustrated with his own attacks. Another volley, another miss. "WHY ARE THEY MISSING?"

"Hit the dummy, you dummy!"

"I CAN'T! IT WON'T-"

"Hit it!"

"I'M TRYING!"

 _MISS_

"NO you are NOT!"

 _MISS_

"YES I AM!"

"HIT THE FREAKING DUMMY!"

 _MISS_

 _MISS_

"IT'S NOT WORKING!"

"HIT IT!"

 _MISS_

 _MISS_

 _MISS_

"I- I CAN'T-"

 _MISS_

 _MISS_

"YOU. ARE. NOT. TRYING!"

 _MISS_

"I-I-"

 _MISS_

"HIT! IT! NOW!"

"I caaannnNNNNNYYYYAAAAAAAAH!"

He threw his hands into the air, and something appeared above Papyrus' head. Undyne looked up, just in time to see a huge skull open its steak-knife maw. It was about half as tall as she was, with a crown of long spines on its nape, a narrow snout, and two large, hollow sockets with gleaming pupils. She made a stupid expression as it unhinged its jaw and-

 **GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!**

Undyne didn't even have time to cuss before swerving to the side to avoid the blast. It was so bright that her third eyelid closed to keep her from burning her corneas. A wave of unnatural panic and adrenaline hit her like a tsunami. She wasn't supposed to be this scared; after all, she wasn't his target. After a couple seconds, there was a snap and a whooshing sound. Undyne looked up. The skull-thingy was gone. Dummy was now smoking and singed. He looked like something Undyne had cooked. Although unharmed, he looked like he was in shock. Papyrus was looking a bit startled, too.

► "Bird Who Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap"

Undyne cautiously got up, her black tank now covered in gravel, and stared at Papyrus. He looked a bit...taken aback. That spindly skeleton had summoned that?! Papyrus had suddenly ascended to a totally new level of cool.

He looked at her, worried. "S-SORRY UNDY-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAT WAS THAT?!" She grabbed him into a headlock and noogied him, grinning like an idiot. "The hell didn't you do that earlier?! That was at LEAST seventy- You okay, wimp?"

Papyrus was shaky. "YES I'M FI- ow. COULD YOU LET GO?"

Undyne released the headlock (skull-lock?). Papyrus straightened, cracked his spine, and rubbed his face. "Mrph." He looked ready for a nap.

"Papyrus."

"YES, UNdyne?"

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!"

"IT WAS A SPECIAL ATTACK. IT HAPPENS when I get frustrated…"

"A giant SKULL attack appears when you get MAD?! That is so freaking AWESOME!"

His sockets went white. "Y-yeah, something like…" He collapsed on on her shoulder, out cold. Undyne was not ready. She barely caught him before he slid off. Holy carp.

► "Waterfall"

"Woah, woah woah woah woah! Hey! What? WAKE UP!" She slapped him. "Ow, the heck are you so hard!? Wake up!" Nothing. "DaAaAaAaAah!"

Dummy recovered and practically exploded with laughter. An unnatural feeling arose in Undyne's chest. Panic, perhaps? Now what? CPR? He didn't have lungs, and gross. Dunk him in water? Didn't they do that in movies or something? It seemed like the right thing to do, plus it was fun. She heaved him onto her shoulder and started jogging south. Dummy was dying. Hopefully Papyrus wasn't.

She said hello to the bird who carries you over a disproportionately small gap. It flapped over to the other side of the pond, watching her cautiously. She didn't judge. She was carrying a skeleton after all. She probably looked like she'd murdered him or something.

She tossed him in, and he immediately sank. Skeletons didn't need to breathe, did they? Whatever, the water was shallow. He'd be fine. She waited a couple seconds. But he didn't come back up.

The strange feeling was back, something akin to nausea constricting her chest. She dove in, using her special lids again and switching her breathing to her gills. She grabbed a humerus and yanked so hard it almost came out of socket. Awkwardly, she got him on the bank. She was gonna need some cheese fries for this.

Undyne was not a doctor. Her treatment for a headache? Dunk your face in water. Broken ankle? Walk it off. Lose an eye? Good, now you look cool. Get an eye patch. Dang, Papyrus would look WICKED cool with an eyepatch!...which wasn't a possibility, since he only had sockets to begin with...STILL! Ugh, the point was that there WAS a reason she was Captain of the Royal Guard, not Royal Scientist! She didn't know the first thing about science, or the second, or the eleventeenth (was that even a word? Who cares)! So when put in front of a clocked-out monster and asked, "How do you fix them?", she suddenly was clueless. Did that make her a wimp in scientific terms? Most likely. And now Papyrus was unconscious, soaked, and next to a person declared a weakling in the name of science. And it was obvious that, if the jog and bath hadn't worked, a headbutt wouldn't work either. She needed an actual doctor, or at least someone who could tell her what NOT to do. Luckily, Undyne knew just the monster.

She fished out her phone (Alphys, ironically, had waterproofed it for her) and dialed her number. A long period of ringing, then a nervous voice picked up. "H-hey Undyne."

"Alphys! I need you to nerd for me!"

"Uh, okay, what-"

She looked at Papyrus. "Next to an unconscious monster. Slapped him and chucked him in a pond, but he's still out cold. Now what?"

"Oh gosh, uh, um, h-how long was he out?"

"Five minutes?"

"W-were you there when- How was he-"

"He did this weird attack thing with a cannon. Ten seconds later, boom. Out. He said it happens when he gets mad."

"An emotional attack...That's...o-oh, yeah. Uh, he should wake up e-eventually. H-how irked was he?

"'Irked'?"

"Uh, a-annoyed."

"YES. His attacks were missing for some reason. Another thing I wanted to ask you about."

"Oh, um, okay, he'll be up sooner or later. I'll t-take it you're outside?"

"Yep."

"Get inside and, uh, keep an eye on him. When he wakes up he might...panic."

Panic attack. Fantastic. Again, not a doctor. "Great. What about the whole missing-attack thing?"

Alphys laughed nervously. "That's a bit...c-complicated? You should probably, uh, get inside first."

"Fine. See ya Alph."

"Y-yeah, s-s-see ya."

► "Quiet Water"

Click. Undyne pocketed her phone and stared at Papyrus, who was still out cold. Really a day. Alphys had better explain this. Papyrus, too.

She easily hoisted him and ran back to her house. Dummy was smacking his face against the cave wall, still losing it. Seriously, that guy needed to see a psychologist or something.

She dumped him on the rug next to the window. Should she wait for him to wake up or something? Boring. She took stock. He was soaked to the bone (literally) and emitting slight waves of magic, almost in a pulsing pattern. His orange shirt was sopping. His sockets were shut tightly, and his jawbone was clenched. A check showed next-to-full Hp and such.

Oddly enough, she had never met a skeleton before Papyrus. She guessed they were kinda rare; perhaps a species on the verge of dying out? She couldn't imagine what that was like. Then again, she'd never seen a fish quite like herself before. Unusually curious, she rapped on his skull. It was hard and sounded hollow. Oh, that explained so much! Papyrus really didn't have anything in that head of his!

How did he change expression with such a hard face? Magic junk or something? She touched his eye, which, somehow, was closed. It felt hard. Like, really hard.

Why was she touching his face? She was as bad as Alphys, investigating like this! She'd better call her. That weird nausea feeling was coming back. She confirmed it wasn't panic.

Only two rings this time before the scientist answered. "Alph, I'm inside. Now what."

► "Alphys"

"Oh, u-uh, yeah, okay. He, uh, may take a bit, so- Oh yeah, the whole "missing" attacks thing."

"Yeah, he just kept firing and they all...missed. Some even stopped and charged at him instead. And the dimwit acted like it wasn't his fault, even! He was frustrated with his own attacks! Nerd for me, Alphys! The heck just happened?"

Alphys sounded flustered. "Oh, I erm, guh, okay. Actually, now that I t-think about it, uh...it's actually pretty simple. You know how, uh, how when a monster is reluctant, or u-unwilling to fight, their DEFiance and Ability To Kill, uh...decrease?"

"Duh. Everyone knows that."

"W-well, if a monster forces themselves to attack w-when they don't want to hurt their target, and b-bullets are basically soul attacks, CoMPassion, they don't...the bullets force themselves to miss."

"What? They MISS on PURPOSE?!"

"I-it's not the m-monster's fault, if that's what y-y-you're thinking! A-actually, it often just, uh, frustrates them and makes it worse."

"Huh. I thought he was just a wuss." She laughed without humor. More nausea. Was it guilt?

"No, he can't help it! Oh, uh, and that, er, "cannon thing"? S-same concept. More emotion, more power. Yeah."

"Alright. So I just sit here?" Her voice was laced with frustration.

"Um...I guess."

Silence. Undyne could practically hear Alphy's nerves. Man, she was a bundle of them. She should say something.

When removed of their levels of confidence or stress and placed side by side, Undyne and Alphys looked like opposites. One of them was Captain of the Royal Guard; trained by Asgore himself, they were ruthless and unmerciful, confident and enthusiastic, ready for whatever was thrown at them. The other, the Royal Scientist; discovered by their creations alone, they were self-conscience and stuttering, constantly worrying and turtled up, almost always letting it go to voicemail. The first fit, finned, and fanged; the other stumbling, scaled, and spiked. But both were monsters who were passionate about their work, whatever it may be, idolized Asgore, and absolutely LOVED human history, especially the human's Naruto (Undyne's favorite) and Mew Mew Kissy Cutie (Alphy's favorite). Who knew that humans had replaced magic with Chakra, and could channel it and knock down freaking TREES with their central spirit! So cool!

But anyways, Undyne needed a conversation topic. And Anime, although used often, was perfect. And luckily, Undyne struck gold in the dump just the other day. Ohohohooo, Glasses was gonna FREAK!

"Hey A-"

There was a shriek on the other side of the line, then a thud, some static, and a nervous lizard. "O-oops, I, uh, dropped the p-phone. W-what was that?"

"I was at the dump the other day. Guess what?"

"Uh, w-what?"

"I found a Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2."

No response. Just dead silence.

"Alph?"

And the receiver blew up with sound. Undyne shoved it away from her fin-ear and waited for the scream to die down. When it finally did, she brought the phone back to her ear and heard various fangirling noises from Alphys.

"EEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP ohmygosh are you SERIOUS?!"

"Yep. Not a scratch on it."

More squeaky noises. This was by far the loudest Undyne had ever heard Alphys talk. That was good. Alphys was a quiet monster, who rarely made loud noises. But when she fangirled, boy, she FANGIRLED! She hadn't flipped this hard since- um, Undyne didn't remember. All the more drastic! Undyne relaxed and stretched out onto the carpet, waiting for Alphy's fangirling to take its course. It could take a while.

Alphys' voice was squeaky, but she was calming down. "Eep! Eep! Eep! Okay! Okay alright I'm fine. I'm fine. Eep!"

"ALPHYS CALM. Don't pass out; one is WAY more than I can handle!"

"Nah, you're going fine! A-and I'm good. I'm good." Was she good? Alphys still sounded out of breath.

"Fuhuhu! That was loudest you've been in, like, forever!"

"Heheh, y-yeah. I guess I'm a little, uh...s-stressed out from work and stuff."

► "She's Playing Piano"

Something was gnawing at Undyne's stomach. She was LV 3, head of the Guard, an enthusiastic wrestler, tough, unyielding, and unaccustomed to this strange gut-twisting feeling that she had seldom felt: Terror. The fact that when Papyrus was knocked out by his own attack that SHE had sparked, and that she had been clueless, somehow rattled her. What if it had been serious, or life-threatening? She would've stood there like an idiot, unable to help. Powerlessness. That was what was taunting her. The fact that if Papyrus had needed immediate attention, no amount of smashing or slicing would've saved him.

► "Confession"

"U-Undyne, you, uh, still there?"

Oh, yeah. She was still on the phone.

"Yeah, I um...Can I ask you a question, Alph?"

"Um, y-y-yeah! I-I'll listen- um, I mean I'll t-try and help, uh-"

"Alphys, relax." She inhaled once. Maybe Alphys could explain it. She felt a bit sick. "When Papyrus collapsed so suddenly, I wasn't expecting it. I thought he would get up and laugh it off, or start snoring or something. But when I tried to wake him up and he didn't, I started panicking. I get that he'll be fine, but...what if one day, someone gets hurt, and there's nothing I can do about it? It's..." She chuckled humorlessly. "...it's kinda terrifying, actually. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"...Actually, yeah. I...I do get it."

"Why IS that? I'm strong, but at the same time I'm...a weakling." It felt weird to say it.

"N-no, don't say that! You the greatest person I know! You're so confident and strong and funny! Don't put yourself down like that or you'll-"

"'STRONG'. Did you even hear what I just said? Suplexing is one thing, but medicine? First Aid? Healing magic? If those are what matter most in the end, then what good is being able to hurt stuff?" For some reason she was shaking.

"U-undyne, please...don't say that!" Alphys was quiet for a bit, perhaps thinking. "Well, I'm n-no Gerson, but...I-If you think about it...how did they get hurt in the first place? T-there are d-different types of power, Undyne. The power to protect others...T-that's not s-something to be a-ashamed of! If that's y-your strength, t-then u-use it."

"But, what if that isn't enough? What if I can't…"

"That's what others are for, U-undyne. People whose strength is h-helping others, b-building them up. P-people like Gerson, like A-asgore, like…"

Undyne felt a blush arise in her cheeks. "Like you?"

Alphys sounded flustered. "Heheheh, n-no...that's not me. I don't help people."

Alphys was not a confident person, and Undyne knew that. But THAT statement was unacceptable. "Alph, you're ROYAL SCIENTIST! You do so much for everyone in the Underground!"

"I...I guess so…"

Okay, that was the last straw. "ALPHYS!"

Alphys squeaked. "U-uh, wuh-what?"

► "NGAHHH!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?"

"W-w-w-what're you g-going to-"

"If you don't GROW UP and get some SELF-CONFIDENCE, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS PHONE AND COOK IT!"

"W-what?"

"YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS!"

"What?!"

Undyne lept up and sprinted over to the cupboard. "FIVE!"

"Undyne, what- what are you doing?!"

She got out a pot and placed it on the stove. "FOUR!"

"You're j-joking, r-r-right?"

She tore open her fridge and ripped out some alfredo sauce. "THREE!"

"You're not joking. Oooooohhhh..."

She chucked the whole jar in, splattering white sauce and glass shards inside and outside the pot, and turned the heat up into a blazing inferno that matched her passion for Alphys. "TWO!"

"Undyne, no! It might explode!"

Undyne held the phone over the pot, feeling the flames lick her arm, her expression like a toothy Grinch. "One."

"UNDYNE!"

* * *

► "Tem Shop"

Far in the distance, a Woshua was scrubbing furiously at a Temmie. She had gotten colored construction paper all over her face.

"UWaaaa! nO! TeM iz aleRgik tU cleen!" she squealed, wriggling and squirming to get away.

"Wosh u fur!"

A faint explosion, almost too quiet to hear, caught their attention. Despite its small size, Woshua retreated inside his watery shell, and Temmie looked into the distance, vibrating rapidly. "WOA! daza bIg!"

Woshua's bird quacked and swam in circles, possibly in agreement.


End file.
